Date of Birth: 12/27/1921
Place of birth: New York
Citizenship: United States
Psychological problems of marriage
"The main objective of her research was to determine the internal factors to create a harmonious family by examining the experiences and perceptions of spouses who are married for a long time and consider their union a happy one. All were interviewed 50 couples. First, an experienced psychologist interviewed each member of the couple, then the interview was held in the house with their joint participation. These interviews, each of which lasted several hours, along with individual questionnaires and final interview two years later (100% agreement), formed the basis of the data of this study.
One of the research findings was the fact that the happy marriage partners were not an example of careless people who grew up in a happy, stable families, in an atmosphere of care and security. The lives of many of them has been very severe during childhood and adolescence. Only five out of 100 people would like to start a family by family patterns of their parents. Almost every marriage there are times when one or both partners have questioned the validity of their choice. However, all partners have experienced the feeling that the positive aspects of their relationship significantly more weight than the temporary turmoil and frustration. They loved and respected each other as friends, lovers and parents for their children. They assumed that the partner may be a human weakness. In some families, love and friendship were born in the period of courtship or in the period of cohabitation before marriage. For others, these feelings slowly grew on the rich soil of family life.
The results of the study did not confirm the idea that the people who create successful family units, were cloudless childhood in a happy family. When the data were examined relating to the parental families of both partners, it appears that only 30% of couples have described the relationship with both parents in childhood as a prosperous and promote normal development. At the other end of the spectrum at 20% of couples the husband and wife had a positive experience of relations in childhood and adolescence with only one parent, sometimes a normal relationship with my parents was not at all. More than one-quarter of men and women considered their early years is very dysfunctional. They described his childhood experiences such as: abandonment, severe abuse, sexual harassment. Parents, in their description, suffered from such ailments as severe depression, requiring regular treatment in hospital, chronic alcoholism, and even psychosis, who has never been treated.
In this study, it was revealed a concept that has been characteristic of all couples: both husband and wife shared the view that they had been found or reached "the golden mean" or special "universal balance" to individual needs, desires and expectations, the balance that they believe unique and probably irreplaceable. This feeling of the golden mean, achieved through joint efforts, creatively created and develops an infinite amount of time most married couple in the process fluid, ever-changing interactions within the family. It has many sources: values ??shared by both spouses when recognizes the importance of the marital relationship and their marriage, they think it is the way, and wanted to create it. This balance incorporates the experience of childhood and adolescence, but especially it is fueled by powerful unconscious transformations, hopes, fears and fantasies that each person brings to the marriage. It is also created by the capacity for emotional maturation, growth of consciousness of the person, as well as the ability to more deeply understand your partner and show empathy.
This constantly ongoing creative process has been reviewed in the light of the concept of psychological problems to be solved in a marriage. These problems reflect the problems in different areas of relationships that need to be addressed over the course of life.
As a result, nine melon analysis of psychological problems were identified, the implementation of which, according to Wallerstein, is the foundation of a harmonious and strong family. These tasks, as their transformation, are the work of the family, allowing to maintain the high quality of the relationship in terms of stress of modern society and the changes that take place with each of the partners.
The combination of these problems is the main problem of the interaction of people in the family, they should be dealt with a married couple throughout their lives, otherwise the marriage becomes unproductive and is in danger of disintegration. "
On the basis of carefully conducted studies D.Vallerstayn established the following psychological problems of marriage:
"1. To separate themselves emotionally from the family of his childhood in order to be able to fully enclose the strength and feeling in his family unit but, at the same time, to overestimate the possible points of contact with both parental families. Second marriages in this task includes resistance clinging to past partners, as well as getting rid of the ghosts of his first marriage.
2. This objective is closely related to the first task - a task of creating a community based on mutual identification, shared intimacy and wide consciousness, relating to both partners, at the same time - setting boundaries to protect the autonomy of each partner. The central problem of modern Marriage is a constant tension, while maintaining a balance between community and the autonomy of partners.
3. Create a full and bringing the joy of sexual relations and their protection against intrusion by the obligations related to the implementation of the household and other work.
4. Joining forces associated with frightening commitments in connection with the birth of a child, the ability to "take a punch" at the dramatic appearance of the baby in the family, at the same time protecting the rights of the individual and intimacy of the couple.
5. Ability to withstand and overcome the inevitable crises of life support the strength of family ties in the face of adverse circumstances.
6. Creating a safe space within the family for expressing and resolving differences, anger and conflict.
7. The use of laughter and humor in clarifying the true state of affairs, as well as to avoid boredom and alienation.
8. Ensuring conditions of care and comfort with respect to the partner, as well as the satisfaction of a permanent partner needs for emotional and other types of support.
9. The latter problem, like all others, accompanies the married couple throughout their lives: the preservation of a romantic, idealized notions of love when they met with a sobering realities encountered on the path of life. "